another emo post

haha so i don't know what's wrong with me lately, i guess i've just been thinking a lot and reflecting on who i am and my relation to the world. i've come to the conclusion that i'm really not open or fully honest with myself much less anyone else. i've always brushed over things to pretend that my issues aren't issues and that my life is perfectly fine but now i'm trying to learn that it's okay for me to admit that i'm broken. actually, i have to learn to admit that i'm broken. only then can i really find who God wants me to be.

i'm insecure. ridiculously insecure. i have fears of abandonment and loneliness, fears that people will judge me and reject me, fears that i'm not good enough, fears that if i trust someone they're just going to let me down, fears that i'll fail. and a lot of the time my insecurities lead to jealousy. i get jealous a lot. and i think this is the first time i've ever verbally admitted to it. good job me :) haha. but anyway, i also realized i have a really bad memory. so it's really easy for me to forget my issues. that and i hav an uncanny ability to pretend my life is perfect. granted I've never really had any life-or-death occurances happen to me so it's relatively easy to gloss over things and pass over them as small and insignificant, but even small and insignificant things add up. so what's the purpose of me posting this here? good question. i don't really know. haha. but i guess here is the place i'm going to commit to being more vulnerable and honest with people. and i guess i do that in the hopes that you guys will follow and that this would be a safe place to say anything that needs to be said. anything.