long time no post

hey, how're all you gals doing? being the forgetful person I am, I keep forgetting to update =\ but, i'm glad things worked out, ju, and TiFF,..TeLL uS WHAT HAPPENED! oh, and of course jammy ;P - glad you can read me now.

anyway, things were going pretty good with me for awhile. Like the way you wish life would always be. No major problems. But of course, it never lasts. Last, last weekend was a big ol' fight with my mom, but that's resolved.

This weekend was much more downhill..I found out this weekend that my grandpa had a stroke. I got to see him in the hospital on Saturday, but he was in a coma. I really regret not giving him a kiss before I left that day. I always give him a kiss or a hug when I see him, but I couldn't even bring myself to give him a hug that day. I knew that if I did, I would cry all over the place, and I didn't want to cry. I wish I had, but I'm glad that I at least got to see him. He died that night. It makes me so sad, but I know it's not all bad. He was 85 and even if he had woken up he would have been paralyzed on the left, which would have been a hard thing to live with. I still wish I could've said bye better though. I guess I didn't really think he'd never wake up. I think about him a lot now, and sometimes i feel sad, but overall i'm okay. Daniel doesn't know yet though. and I don't know how he's going to take it. I'm going to see him this weekend at his graduation. I was very excited that I was going to see him, but now it's kind of bittersweet. I hope Daniel will be okay too, especially because he wasn't given a chance to see him. I really hope everything will be alright. It's kind of weird, everyone seems so dry-eyed. like nothing's really changed. Even I haven't really changed, minus my occansional bouts of sadness. I guess it's one of those things that you expect to happen sooner or later when you're older. In any case, I miss my grandpa already.

On the other hand (I won't leave you guys all depressed), Sam and I are good. I know I never really say anything about our relationship, but I guess there's isn't really too much to say. we're still together. then again, maybe there is something to say. we're a lot more steady now. He helped me to resolve my issues with my mom the week before. I think I lean on him a lot. It's nice to have someone to go to, but then there's that whole issue of 'leaning on God.' Of course I thank God for giving me Sam to lean on in the first place though. It's also kind of scary to think what would happen if he ever disappeared from my life. we're in a good place right now though and things have been going good. He knows I have an extreme temper and I'm lucky he puts up with it. A lot of times I still think that it's him compromising to fit my needs though, and it's totaly my own issue, but it doesn't seem entirely healthy for a relationship. and i want to work at it, and slowly..very slowly..it's getting there, but his feelings for me will always be bigger than mine are for him. (thought I must say he has definitely grown on me. a LOT. what can i say, i'm crazy for him- even if he is a dork) Maybe I'm just lucky to have a guy who is that crazy for me.