SO i tried to take a break with da ge again

sooo i tried to take a break with da ge again. because with the new school year... i'm busy with my jobs and school. and he's busy with APSU and accounting in general and family stuff. so we didn't really have time to see each other. and he also had this fascination with this ps2 RPG game called dynasty warriors. and when he likes something, he researches the crap out of it. so sometimes we'd be hanging out and he'd just be on his laptop researching the stupid game. he made his desktop and laptop wallpapers to be scenes/drawings from the game. what a nerd. now i also love the game, but not to that level of obsessiveness. The other times we hung out would be for APSU stuff. But the problem is, when da ge takes on a responsibility, he goes through with it. he goes ALL the way, business first. so we do APSU stuff and he just leaves me to do it. or we'd be hanging otu and he'd get calls about APSU. so it sort of bugged me, but i understand that i can't change that. he's really into APSU and i wouldn't ask him to give up anythign like that. but for the past few days, i had gotten angry at him. friggin 3 days in a row practically. i don't know why, but i'm extra sensitive and moody right now. and the fact that he was always putting APSU and other things ahead just kept bugging me. i had told him my worries before school started, and he said that we'd work through it. i don't know why, but my patience ran through and so on sunday morning i just randomly said "do you wanna take a break?"

he said he wanted to talk about it in person. He was going to SCU to do some APSU stuff later, so i was just going to meet up with him there cuz i was helping out too.

When i met him, we sat down and the conversation started. i don't quite remember the order of the conversation, but i'll just give the summary...cuz it's all fading away...and it's better said than typed, i'd rather tell you guys in person. but basically he wanted to know why. and i told him the reason again (APSU). a couple days before, i had told him i was frustrated and needed time to adjust to his new responsibilities and such. so he already knew basically the reason why i wanted to take a break.

but he said he didn't want to, and that he loved me. but i wasn't sure what to do, because he really couldn't change the current circumstances. i thought that if i could pretend that he wasn't mine, then i would be able to adjust to this whole APSU co-chair thing faster.

I cried twice in the convo. the first time was when he said "you make me happy. what makes you happy?" and then i started crying cuz in my mind i thought "you make me happy too". and then he tried to wipe away my tears and i guess he felt bad and said "don't cry for me. i love to see you smile" and stuff.

man this is hard to tell in type.

anyways, the second time i cried is when he stood up and hugged me and said "judy don't leave me" and then i cried all over again. god. no control over the agua.

we also talked about the future. and he said htat he saw him meeting the freshman with me by his side holding his hand. except that's sort of the PAST already. and i told him. i told him that happened already and no, i wasn't with him because he had left me alone to go meet the freshman.

we also talked about the break. he kept asking questions like "can i kiss you? can i give you hugs? can i hold your hand?" hahaha. i only said hugs were ok because...."friends don't do that other stuff"

i know he cares a lot about me. and i care a lot about him. i know he really didn't want to go on a break and that it really hurt him that i wanted to. but he said he was willing to, if i thought it was for the best. but thankfully i came to my senses and didn't want to take a break. and so it's back to the honeymoon phase. wheeeeeeeeeee


ok that's a cliff notes of what happened. ooh i can't believe i still remember cliff notes. haven't used THAT ina while. man i got this homework to do and i just don't feel like doing it. i should be sleeping, but i dunno. don't want to. ok my butt is feelign f unny. i think i've bene sitting down for too long. oh you know what else? i'm gonna sell my current tv and buy a bigger one. YAY. but i need to save up money to buy da ge a birthday present and sammy and jay and albert.

*sigh* i'm happy right now. because things are going smoothly with him. whenever things aren't going smoothly, my days just aren't as nice. but when things are good, i am much more laid back and less irritable. ugh i just realized badly my writing has gotten. oh well. not like a business person ever needs to write that much. ok i really need to sleep. i'm feeling tired. another update shall come sooon.


my foot's asleep.