update!

so uhh this is a carbon copy of my xanga, but i thought in case any of you don't read that.. (tiffany yuan) hahaha i'll just post it here too.

i think lately God's been teaching me to be willing to give up everything in my life for Him and trust Him with all that I have. because saying that you believe He exists and giving your life to Him is one thing, but actually living your life out this way is another. (and just to let you know, normally i'd put something like this in my prayer blog but i guess i decided to share what's been happening lately in my life :) )

so about two weeks ago, i was meeting with Michelle (my Bible study leader), Erica, and Melissa, for accountability/discipleship and Michelle asked us to do an activity with her. we were to choose ten things that we loved in this world other than God in no particular order. so i chose. family. laughing. jack johnson. chicken wild rice on a rainy morning. dancing. hoc3. volleyball. playing with kids. harry potter. alias (yes, i know some of these are really stupid, but hahah whatever) then she said God wanted one of these things, and we had to cross it off. next she said, God realized that was hard for you, but he still wants something else. so then we crossed another thing off. we kepting on crossing things off our list until we got to the last one. family. Now God realizes that this is the thing you love the most in your life, but he still wants it. cross it off. I realize that crossing things off a list seems like such an insignificant thing to do, but at the time, it represented something so much more. i didn't know if i could give my family to God. But God is sovereign. He comes first above everything. so i crossed family off the list.

about a week ago, i called my sister just to talk. we didn't talk for too long before she said that my grandpa was in the nursing home again. When i had went home for spring break before, two days after i got back home, my grandpa had to be sent to the hospital because he couldn't breathe, and he was too dizzy and weak to walk. so i spent my spring break working and watching my grandma. but that's okay because i love my grandma. my grandpa stayed in the hospital for about two weeks and then was sent to a nursing home where he would have constant care. but one night, he was too low on oxygen and was sent to the hospital again. That night, when i called my sister, she told me that the doctor had said my grandpa only had three-four months to live. when the doctor told my grandpa this, my grandpa asked what he could do to help himself get better? and the doctor said nothing. i started crying, then my sister started crying. but then i realized that my grandpa was saved. he was going to a better place. i'd much rather have him in heaven rather then lying on a hospital bed, hardly able to breathe. if God wants to take him, he's God's to take. i have no say in this, and i should want God's will to be done. if this is His will, then i trust that it is right.

"In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust..." psalms 56:4