:)

hi. i'm happy. :) jamie, i didn't make a mistake in my choice.



i realized that all those questions that i had were stupid. i have nothing to worry about. here's what i've learned in the past few days.


1. yes, someone likes me
2. i like this person back
3. this person has gained my trust
4. i feel comfortable with this person. don't need to go out and do stuff. most comfortable just sitting in a room watching tv. or sleeping. or whatever.
5. i realize i don't really care what other people think
6. i'm happy.



yes i am liked. and what worries me is that this person may like me more than i like them. but i think that's about to change. this person treats me really well. it's a good thing that we were friends first. that way it's not like starting from scratch. it's more like an additional step towards learning more about the person and trusting them. this person makes me feel comfortable. in fact, they haven't insulted me or anything. rather, i'd most likely be the person ridiculing them. but you know what? they still like me. it's as if all that i do is okay. i'm most content when i'm in bed, lying in his arms. it's a feeling of safety that i haven't felt in a while. at first, i kept thinking about what other people were saying and stuff. but now i'm realizing that it doesn't matter. and these all make me happy. i guess it's because i've never really had this experience.


i'm confident. i don't feel jealous or worry about him hanging out, talking, or flirting with other girls. why? because something tells me that at the end, i'm higher priority.


he left my room half an hour ago. we spent the early morning watching music videos. he fell asleep with his head on my chest. i thought it was so cute. wrapped in his arms yet he still has to lay his head on me as if looking for my affection. i think that the things he does are adorable. it's as if he never tires of hugging me and then kissing my forehead. before he left, nelly and tim mcgraw's "over and over" music video started. and he wanted to dance. so we slow danced in my room while the song played. adorable. he doesnt' care that it's 3:30 in the morning and i have rat breath. and that makes me happy, cuz my breath was horrible.


in my xanga a few weeks ago, i wrote that i wanted to called a princess. now i feel like a princess. it's as if he tries to do things that i want to do. but i don't want to always have things my way, so i don't always speak. i'd rather do things that he wants to do too. cuz then i know that i'm also making him happy. and you know what? i'm starting to miss him when he's in class. i look forward to seeing him walking towards me. and i get a little flutter when i see that he's calling me.



and i just realized that this entry is really mushy and stuff. i'm sorry guys. but i felt that i should write it somewhere. and where better than to make a post that only my closest friends can see?




don't worry. i will restrain myself from writing more of these kind of posts guys. it's just... i'm in awe of what's been happening over the past few days. while i have been gaining confidence, i'm also getting insecurities. i don't want to do anything that will make this end. now i see why sam n rosie are so happy. but the main feeling i get...is content. a really.....content...contentment.




ok i will stop writing. everytime i'm about to end, i find something else to say. geez. shut up judy. gotta sleep. it's now 4:13AM.




i hope you guys are having a great time in college. i hope that you guys are happy with your college. at first, i wondered whether i was right to choose scu. but this quarter, i've realized that SCU was the right choice. i'm happy here. and recently, i've gotten more happy. hahah. ok i gotta stop or else i'm gonna go into another schpeel. i hope this feeling lasts. and doesn't die out because it's the "beginning" that would suck. ok i go now. BYEEEE.




btw, i miss you girls. some things REQUIRE that it be you guys i talk to.