so lately..

i've gotten fat. fallen behind in school. been stressed out. pulled all nighters. gone to church a lot.

resultant: eating cheesecake. skipping classes. playing cranium. gotten baggy eyes. getting kind of tired of church.

i don't know. i think i took too many classes. oh well. i'll catch up sometime.
i like this guy. but its bad because i shouldn't be liking anyone.
but seriously, i think i'm ready for a relationship.
but i guess its all on god's timing.

a lot of people on my floor broke up with their boyfriend/girlfriend from home. its kind of sad.
some people in my small group are getting on my nerves and i don't want to go. but that sounds so bad. i don't know why. right when i tink i've got something figured out about religion.. just blows up in my face. theory: "i love everyone in my fellowship because of god's love flowing through me." ... rebuttal: new small groupies that kind of annoy me. just being honest, i guess. i can jsut feel the fire dying in me. i just wish i had the confidence to be 100% full blown christian. i hate the feeling when eveyrone in a congregation goes up to partake in the grape juice/bread.. and everyone passes me by.. and i'm the only one sitting down because all teh people around me are up on stage getting the bread. its the most tangible exclusion i feel hwne it comes to religion.

i think its bad for me to be waiting for a relationship. its like wearing your heart on your sleeve and makign you susceptible to falling for someone you weren't meant to fall for. I really want to find whoever i'm giong to marry. i really don't want to deal with the breakups that people seem to be going through. but then again, it jsut seems like i'm missing out on a major part of life : dating. i mean. i still haven't had my first kiss. i'm 18!!!!!! people kiss when they're 6!


so new people:
jeff - i.v. guy from foothill who i see five out of seven days. really cool. kind of too cool for my own good, if you catch my drift. was in previous "dictionary" but since then have gotten to know him better.. thus.. NEW person.
harry - creepy security moniter (job position in dorms to make sure that everyone who enters the dorm hall after 5 p.m. is either an invited guest or resident) who is in my civil engineering class. always calls me " babe." freaky.
jeff - guy from my environmental design class. in my discussion. really excited about architecture and i always walk back to the dorms with him.
christian - cool hall mate who i knew from before btu just found out his name. he asked me in teh dc what his name was. we always talk adn i was so embarrassed cuz it slipped my mind. :( and i was like "I know this!" he looked kind of disappointed.
melody - girl from unit 1 (unit next to mine) and in intervarsity.. in my civil engineering class. always eat lunch with her on tuesdays and thursdays.
jon- second year. super friendly. lives in the apartment across from jen chen. always drives us places. got me hooked on scrabble. their apartment like a game center. he's a really good cook. i mean REALLY GOOD. gourmet almost every night.
abe, sean, elvin - senior guys i met. .. seeeeeeeenioooooooors : ) me and seniors. seniors and me.



floormates
matt - civil engineer. let me borrow his book but i accidentally mutilated it and must secretly find another clean copy to return to him.
spencer - funny guy i went to r.e.m. concert with. seems kind of irritated with me lately.
eunice - nice girl who believes she maintains this bubble i live in. won't let me hear anything derogatory. watched in good company with her and she covered my eyes when they had a sex scene.
doug - drunkard. but a cool one.
caroline - my new roommate after yaely moved out. really quiet, but super nice.






anyyways. my dreams are shattered because i learned that recycling can actually be deterimental to the environment. the process of recycling paper requires the utilization of chemicals that have similar effects on the ozone layer as styrofoam. =*( "supposedly."

i might room with kat chen next year. but she wants to live with angela ha, too. i don't think i can room with angela on account of all teh drama she caused last year. =/ high school still folllows.

i went home for chinese new year because i couldn't stand not being home anymore. it seemed so unnatural and i missed beign there so much. SO much. i dont' know how i managed a month away.

i accidentally made tiff panic because i thought her chem midterm started at 5. she said 6. but i called my friend who said it was at 5. she ran there. midterm started at 6 :( haven't talked to tiff since. terribly embarrasssssssed.

UGH! i was talking to this SUPER CUTE APHIO GUY!!!!! AND i was all scrubby from pulling an lal nighter the night before. GUESS WHAT. MY FLY WAS DOWN.......................................... cute aphio boy....... come back :( ..whine.. i love you.

hookah isn't bad for you physically, judy. or so i heard. and i'm sure you heard too. its just the emotional addiction and reliance on substances that i think you should be worried about.










I WANT A GUY TO LISTEN TO NICE SONGS WITH. seriously. if a guy knew me well enough to serenade me with 'girlfriend' by nsync..... i would be his forever. or bought me a ring and hung it on a necklace. there are just certain romantic dreams i want to see lived out.

i'm going to play someone like you_van morrison at my wedding. no question no doubt no hesitation. i want my hubby.